asking for help

These past couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of activities and events. Many of which have given me cause to reflect on what is happening in my life. I celebrated a birthday, Mother’s Day, and my 16 year sobriety anniversary within two weeks. I am so grateful to be where I am today and I have been enjoying all of the mayhem that goes along with juggling family and career. Mixed in with the feeling of gratitude was some uneasiness. I’m sure many of you know the feeling and have heard the voice. The one that says, “Who am I to be thinking of expanding my business?, Who would want to learn from me?, What makes me think I have that much to offer?” This voice sucks. I hear it less and less as the years go by, but every once in a while I find myself caught up in self-doubt. Luckily, I have acquired some tools over the years for just this very situation. As I sat in my morning meditation the other day, I asked the Universe to show me if I was ready. I asked that my ego step aside and I become a channel for something greater than me. With that, I got up and got ready for the day while continuing to beat myself up. (It’s funny-or crazy-how quickly I can vacillate from one extreme to the other.)

My morning was unusually smooth, everyone off to work and school without a hitch. I arrived to work feeling less capable than normal but wanting to find clues that I was on the right path. I had three massages scheduled. All of them were new clients. As I talked with the first woman before her session, she revealed that she was struggling with some emotional issues and that she would be open to any suggestions that I may have. I stepped out of the room to let her undress and thought to myself, “I don’t know what to tell her.” Just then, I passed a regular client in the hall who had a session the week before. She said, “Thank you so much for the visualization exercise you gave me last week. It really helped. Every time I feel pain, I think of what you said and within minutes the pain is gone.” Then she gave me a hug and walked into a yoga class. My first clue. I was on the right path. I can help the woman who is in the treatment room waiting for me. That client left with a renewed hope and willingness to continue to make time for wellness. My next client came in for stress relief and floated out, stating that she thought my “hands had eyes because they stopped at every area in need.” My second clue. I do have something offer. My final client of the day is very much on edge. While I am talking to her before her session, she sternly stops the conversation and says, “With all do respect, I just need a massage.” Thankfully, I was beginning to feel better and her attitude didn’t bother me at all. Shortly after putting my hands on her, she began to release. She cried like a baby and hugged me three times before she booked another appointment. My third and final clue. I thanked the Universe for providing encouragement and I stated out loud, “OK, I get it, I’m moving in the right direction!”

My point in sharing this is to offer some hope and tools in case you experience similar negative self talk. I think a lot of people feel this from time to time. Please know that it is ok to ask for help from a friend, a professional, or whatever your idea is of a Higher Power. I have always received the help and support I needed when I have had the courage to ask. It hasn’t always been what I wanted, but it has been exactly what I needed.

Balancing Tip: Since I am still obsessed with my new juicer, I am going to share my current favorite morning juice. 1 large cucumber, 1 large carrot, a handful of leaves (romaine, spinach, or other green leaf), 1 granny smith apple, 1/2 lemon, about an inch of ginger. I have been pouring it over ice thanks to a tip from the writer of babeandablender.com (Thank you!). Super delicious!

An Evening with the Lama

This evening I had the pleasure of listening to Anyen Rinpoche speak about emotions and difficult situations. Anyen Rinpoche is a Tibetan Buddhist Lama based out of Denver who travels and teaches ancient Buddhist wisdom. He was soft-spoken, intelligent and full of humor. He explained that we, as Westerners, are attached to a certain idea about what life is and should be. When events happen that differ from our idea, suffering happens. The truth is that we live in a world full of impermanence, yet we continually conceptualize things to be static. Continued suffering. This is not only true in our situations and relationships, but also with our own bodies. Anyen Rinpoche said, “The physical body is only a guest of our Consciousness.” Coming to terms with the fact that we will eventually die can ease much suffering. He briefly spoke of the concept of Samsara which is the cycle of life, death, and rebirth. This idea of reincarnation allows for a continuous flow and less attachment.

Releasing attachment to our ideas of what should be is the first step to equanimity. The next step, as Anyen Rinpoche suggested, was to use the breath. This can be a simple as paying attention to the inhales and the exhales for four or five minutes. Even when in a rush, taking that time will make the remainder of the day markedly better. The third step deals with thought. Not resisting the thoughts and emotions that arise, and at the same time, not chasing the thoughts and emotions. Number three is the hardest for me. When I am feeling strong emotion, good or bad, I have a hard time letting it go. This is where a daily practice of meditation helps. When I am practicing regularly, I have a much easier time allowing things to flow. When I fall off the meditation wagon, I am often in a state of resistance or holding onto something. He spent a little time speaking of the importance of exercise. He spoke specifically of yoga and tai chi. He was quick to add that although exercise can be helpful, we can’t just focus on the physical aspects. Breathwork and meditation are essential to our well-being.

I was able to receive a personal blessing at the end of the talk. The tradition is to present the Rinpoche with a white silk scarf called a Kada. He may keep the scarf or give it to you to keep. I was trying to not be attached to that outcome, even though I really wanted to keep the Kada. He gave me a blessing and gently put the scarf around my neck. I felt lucky for both the blessing and the scarf!

Balancing Tip–You guessed it–Juicing! I think this topic deserves entire posts dedicated to this art. For today, I just want to say that I have begun to incorporate it into my daily life and love it. I haven’t found the best tasting recipes yet, but when you are drinking something that looks like the picture shown, you know you are doing the body good. It also eases the guilt for ordering pizza tonight because I had somewhere important to be!

Namaste.

keep coming back

In AA gatherings, when someone conveys an air of know-it-all, we often say, “Keep coming back.”  This is meant with love and humor, knowing that the more people come, the more they grow and change.What I thought was truer than true in my first year of sobriety has dramatically changed over time. From my experience, I assume I will have yet another point of view before too long. I have learned to become more patient and tolerant and to become more inclusive. There was a time that I didn’t even want these qualities. I didn’t know this way of life was an option. I listened, though, and kept coming back.

I find this happens in yoga, too. People come into a class with their own ideas of what exercise and fitness is about. They don’t need an instructor to tell them how quickly (or slowly) to move and they certainly don’t want to be told how to breathe, or heaven forbid, sit still for a minute to notice the breath! I love these people because they are me. I am reminded of where I have come from and I want them to keep coming back so that I may witness this journey in others. It is such a beautiful thing. And like the caterpillar, they don’t even know where they are headed or how gorgeous it will be to emerge as the butterfly.

Earlier this week, I had a woman in class who, despite my gentle promptings to slow down, pushed so hard during the first half of the class that she exhausted herself and had to just lay on the mat for the second half of the class. As we were cleaning up, I mentioned that I noticed how hard she was pushing herself. She smiled and said, “I don’t get to exercise during the week, I need to fit everything into this class. But don’t worry, I’m Type A–it’s fine.”

My reply: “Keep coming back.” And I will, too.

Balancing tip–Avocados. Incorporating avocados into my diet has helped me to stay on track. Because they are fatty tasting, avocados seem like a treat. Each serving contains monounsaturated fats (the good kind), vit K, folate, potassium, vit E, lutein, magnesium, vit C, and vit B6. My usual way to eat them is super simple. I cut up a whole avocado into large chunks, drizzle with olive oil, sprinkle lightly with pink salt, and indulge! You can find out everything you ever wanted to know about avocados at www.avocado.org.

vulnerability

I have hated being vulnerable. I have spent much of my life trying to resist any movement until I was sure of the outcome and that I would look good from the beginning until the end of the situation(I often failed miserably at this). I like to do things in a methodical fashion. One thing at a time and everything in its place. Add two kids, a husband, two dogs, a career, etc. and things get messy. I’m learning to love messy.

When I teach yoga classes, there are a few things I often say. “Do what feels right for your body today.” “Listen to your body’s feedback.” “Honor where you are today.” I’m sure you get the idea. Yoga is a practice. You never arrive. There is always more to explore and ways to go deeper. But each day is different and when we tune into ourselves, we can find out if we need to slow the practice down today or if we need to push a little harder. When I am feeling strong and motivated or when I know I need some extra energy, I can incorporate a dynamic flow sequence into my practice or push a little harder during a class. When I feel like I need some nurturing or support, more restorative poses are in order. No matter which it is, I have begun to see that both have value and that I don’t need to be annoyed with myself if I need to bring my practice down for a couple of days. In a yoga practice we try to release rigidity, not only in our bodies, but in our minds as well.

Teaching causes me to continue to think about yoga even when I am not in class. This has given me the opportunity to start to apply these principles to my life off of the yoga mat. Some days I feel strong and can do it all. Some days I need a little nurturing. Both are good. My life is a practice and I will never arrive. I will always want to expand in some way. I don’t foresee anything becoming tidy any time soon. But the cool part in all of this messy expansion is that I feel like this is what it’s all about–jumping in and getting dirty. Allowing vulnerability and disappointment to be mixed in with the safe and the fun. I believe that we are here on earth to experience all of it: the good, the bad, and especially the ugly. The more we experience, the richer we become. It helps to remember that everything passes–the good passes as well as the bad. The only constant, the one thing we can always count on, is change. Breathing through my rigidity and allowing for some flexibility of mind has opened things up for me.

When I tune into myself, check my motives, and come from a place of love, there is nothing to fear. Why not be vulnerable? Why not go deeper? I’ve been asking my daughter lately, “What do we have to lose by being honest and vulnerable?” Her answer is usually, “Nothing.”

Instead of a nutritional tip today, I have attached two TED talks for your viewing pleasure. If you haven’t seen them yet, they really are worth the time investment. Both are given by Dr. Brene Brown and they are each about 20 minutes long. Enjoy!

The power of vulnerability

Listening to shame

Coming out the other side

I am finally breathing a little easier these past couple of days. I think I fell off the sanity wagon last week. The most difficult time was when I realized that it was me and not everyone else. I took my frustrations out on the 3 people I love the most. Lucky for me they are very understanding and quick to forgive. As I was fantasizing about living alone, my husband was lovingly telling the children that they needed to be gentle with me. This brought in some shame to go along with the hovering depression and anger. In addition to these emotional issues, I was having trouble sleeping and experiencing headaches. From what I understand, I can expect more of this next month. Fabulous!

Returning to my Ayurvedic training materials, I rediscovered a few things I can do to help myself through this transition with greater ease–or any ease. First and foremost, I need to kick the caffeine habit. I plan on taking baby steps here because I’m a big baby who needs her coffee. I am going to start incorporating some herbs that I just happen to have in my pantry. These herbs include Vitex (aka Chaste Tree) for PMS and perimenopausal symptoms and Gotu Kola for some memory issues. Both of these can be blended together along with other herbs for a tea I can sip throughout the day. Lastly, I am committing to taking some time to go to yoga classes instead of just teaching them. My hope is that through better nutrition, herbal remedies, and small lifestyle changes, I will be able to go through this without psychiatric medication–yes, last week was that bad. I have nothing against psychiatric drugs. I took them for more than 15 years and they have probably saved my life a few times. But, if I can find an alternate way, I’m taking it.

It’s sad to me that in other places and times, this transition is celebrated and not treated as a nuisance. It happens gracefully and there is nothing to be ashamed of. I hope I emerge with a greater understanding of my body. I hope I can teach my daughter to be proud of all her body can do. I would love to hear any suggestions or remedies that you have.

Nutritional tip-cook with coconut oil. We all know the wonderful health benefits of delicious olive oil. I love olive oil. Unfortunately, once we introduce heat to this gem, it is no longer the darling we believe it to be. So continue to use it for anything cold or room temperature. When cooking, a great alternative is coconut oil. You don’t need much and the taste is very clean to allow the flavors of the food to come through. The health benefits are numerous. Here is just a few:

• helps prevent and control high cholesterol
• helps prevent and control high blood pressure
• aids in weight reduction and maintenance of healthy weight
• improves digestion
• strengthens immunity

Coconut oil can be used on the hair and skin as well. Its list of uses and benefits continues to grow. Give it a try and let me know what you think!

lessons from the bleachers

I spend a lot of my time on the bleachers. There are days that I don’t want to be anywhere else and there are days when I struggle to not pull out some work. It seems to be the one time when I’m not working, that I can do just one thing–watch baseball. I watch my son play baseball. He is in the local Little League. His team consists of 10, 11 and 12 year-olds. There are tons of benefits to his participation: exercise, teamwork, social skills, perseverance, etc. I think it’s great that he has this opportunity. Some of the kids on the team are pretty good and some not so good. My son probably falls somewhere in the middle. The kids are great and so are the coaches.

What I find to be the most interesting is the other parents. Not all of the other parents. About half of them are pretty chill. During a practice, they might read a book or chat quietly with each other. During the games, they are cheering the kids on and enjoying themselves. It’s the other ones I’m referring to. The ones that scream at their kids to make better plays or allow veins to bulge in their neck and forehead because a 10 year-old child swung at a ball that was at eye level. I just don’t get it. These are children who are “playing”. Although I don’t get caught up in professional sports, I remember my father yelling at the TV during sporting events. My rational in being ok with the latter is that these are adults making serious money. They are paid handsomely to only swing at strikes. And even then, they make an out more than half of the times they are up to bat. What would make anyone think that a child could do better than that?

At last night’s game, we were getting creamed by a team we had beaten the week prior. This was exceptionally hard on “those” parents. As I watched, I started to make a connection between these people and the people we know who make a lot of noise on the perimeter of our lives. You know, the ones who critique and voice displeasure even though it has nothing to do with them. They should be mixing it up in their own game, but instead stand on the sidelines and mock. I came to the conclusion that it was good practice for the kids for later in life. After the game, I asked my son if the comments bothered him. His response was, “What comments?” I hope he is still saying that 30 years from now.

Nutritional Tip of the Month

I just finished watching Hungry For Change. It’s the new film from Food Matters. Please do yourself a favor and watch this free online premiere. The filmmakers are offering this free screening for a limited time. It ends at midnight on March 31st (that’s 8 days from the time of this writing).

I would love to hear your thoughts after you view it!

sending angels

Last week a new client came into work for a special we were offering. It was a massage with 15 minutes of Reiki. Heaven! During the session, I got the sense that there were angels present. As I tuned into the energy of the angels, I was able to receive a message intended for the client. They wanted her to know that the person she sent them to needed to ask for help before they would be able to do anything. So here I am again, in this odd situation of relaying information that I can’t be sure is for real or not. “Did you pray for angels to be sent to someone?” I asked tentatively.

“How the hell do you know that?” was her reply.

Feeling relieved, I told her the message that was given to me. She was amazed. She told me that she saw something online that morning that allowed the user to send angels to someone in need. Her daughter had been suffering from depression so she thought the angels couldn’t hurt. I advised her to explain to her daughter that if she asked for assistance from the angels, they would be happy to oblige. Both the client and the angels left feeling positive from the exchange and ready to help the daughter.

The client returned today for another session. She couldn’t wait to tell me about her daughter. She said, “You were right! She doesn’t believe in angels and won’t let them help!” She told me about her frustration over the conversation with her daughter. We agreed that she, herself, could ask the angels to help her to deal with her disappointment. The client was interested in learning more information that I might have about her. There wasn’t more. She received what was necessary and that was it.

Sometimes I struggle with not being able to give intuitive information on demand. I recently met with a woman in the intuitive arts to ask for some guidance so that I could be more open to receiving information. Her response was, “This isn’t a circus act. You are a healer. You give people what they need. Not everyone needs an intuitive reading. Sometimes people just need a massage. You are so open that you are able to see the difference.” I am so appreciative of this and have taken refuge in her words more than once.

Nutritional tip #9-cook with herbs. Herbs were intimidating for me at first, but we can take baby steps by incorporating them slowly. Think of herbs as nature’s pharmacy. Add dandelion to your salad for gentle liver detox. Cilantro is a natural metal chelator, meaning it will bind to the metals that have accumulated in our bodies and help to excrete the toxin safely. Fennel is a good choice to saute with vegetables when feeling bloated or gassy. Spices like cinnamon can help regulate blood sugar and nutmeg nourishes the kidneys. Have fun and experiment!

my day off

I had the day off. I realized at some point that it was opening day of the Sarasota County Fair. It seemed like the perfect thing to do. I could get away from my half-finished to-do list and the kids would be entertained.

When we arrived, Bella met up with some friends so Little Roger and I started to explore.  I used to love going on rides, but they haven’t been agreeing with me for the past couple of years. My eleven-year-old was a little bummed that he didn’t have a companion for the amusement rides.  Trying to be nice, I went on the ferris wheel. That was pretty much my limit. When we came to The Scrambler, I knew there was no way we would be able to stay at the fair if I went on it with him. He said he would go by himself. He got in line. The girl in front of him turned around and asked, “Do you want to ride?” He nodded. I wasn’t sure what was happening and I don’t think he was either. The ride operator opened the gate for them and Roger followed the girl to a car. She motioned for him to go in first. As he was climbing in, I wondered if I should stop him and tell him to get on one by himself, but I let it go. I was mesmerized by the situation. She climbed in after him and they buckled themselves up. I don’t think there was any conversation between them other than the initial question from the girl. As they were waiting for the ride to start, Roger made faces at me as if he was also in disbelief about where he was sitting and who he was sitting with. I couldn’t stop laughing. I acted like I was texting on my phone when I took the picture shown here. Just looking at it makes me laugh. Once the ride started, they both laughed. As it went faster and he started to slide into her, I could tell he was feeling uneasy. I really felt for him, but it was really funny!

Roger had brought a few dollars of his own money to spend in case he wanted something that I wasn’t willing to buy (smart boy). At one point he goes to use the restroom. Upon returning, he tells me that he tipped the restroom attendant. “What?”

“Yes,” he says. “He was very helpful and he had very worn clothes.”

“You don’t need to do that, and how was he helpful?” I replied.

“He gave me a paper towel to dry my hands and he made sure all of the stalls were clean. I think he might be homeless. He needs it.  He was so thankful that he said, ‘God bless you’. I feel really good that I helped someone.”

This child never ceases to amaze me with his compassion and generosity. He went on a couple more rides and we ate some crappy food. It was great! There were farm animals, motorcycle stunt shows and plenty of games. We spent hours just wandering around. No agenda, no time frame. We were lost in the moment and in that moment I felt wonderful.

When Bella had enough of her friends, we reunited and slowly made our way through the fair exhibits and back to the car. I feel very lucky that despite the fact that I often have no idea what I am doing as a parent, my kids seem to be doing well. They are growing up to be more than I could have ever hoped. Days like today help me to see that there is a balance point and that every once in a while, I hit it.

Nutritional tip #8-Use your blender. Blending fresh fruits and veggies with some coconut or other nut milk and some spices can be a yummy meal replacement packed with nutrients. A frozen banana makes it thick and creamy. When my bananas become overripe, I peel and freeze them so I can have a smoothies any time. My favorite green smoothie recipe:

• 1/2 frozen banana-sliced in chunks
• 2 handfuls of fresh baby spinach
• 1 handful of any berry
• 1 cup milk (I prefer unsweetened almond milk)
• tsp vanilla extract
• a few shakes of cinnamon

Blend until smooth and enjoy!

Spring Cleaning

I love spring! Even though I have been living in Florida for the past couple years, I can feel spring as strong as if I had just spent another winter in the Northeast. The energy in everything seems to be amplified. Colors are brighter, the dogs are friskier, and the smells are intoxicating. As much as I hate to lose the hour sleep this weekend, I really enjoy the extended time of light in the evenings. The warmer weather allows more of us to get outside and connect with nature. This is something we all need.

Many of us practice a “Spring Cleaning” ritual in our homes. Opening windows and blinds to release dirt and grime from the winter while allowing more light to shine in. This is more than the usual cleaning. We do a more detailed job in spring. We let go of items that we no longer use to make room for new things. Some of us may even polish some of our more treasured belongings so that we can see them shine and take pleasure in their beauty.

Along with spring cleaning my house this season, I have decided to spring clean myself. I don’t just mean the seasonal detox/cleanse  that I have been doing at the change of the seasons for the past couple years. I mean clean out the crap that keeps me stuck. I am talking about old beliefs, old thought patterns and habits that no longer serve me. I know I am not alone in needing this occasional “tune-up”. Over the years we have taken on ideas that were either put upon us by society or adopted by us as a defense mechanism. Either way, there comes a time when these ideas become more of a hinderance than a help. Spring is the perfect time to reflect and decide what needs to go out with the dirt and grime of winter. Let’s open ourselves up so that the Light can shine brighter inside as well as outside. Let’s not forget to appreciate and enhance all of the wonderful things we find that are working for us.

So how exactly do we do this? We start by being honest with ourselves and taking note of what is working in our lives and what isn’t. If we find an area that we consistently feel frustration or anxiety, we can be pretty sure we have some work to do there. As with any detox or deep cleanse, there is a period of discomfort while the old is moving out and we see what actually fits and feels right for ourselves. It is a time to be supportive and nurturing of ourselves. Wholesome foods, gentle exercise, periods of meditation, journaling, quiet times in nature are all great practices to help you ease into better thinking. I went to the beach this morning to put my toes in the sand. Realistically, I didn’t have that hour to spare, but knowing everything that is going on inside of me, I felt that I needed it. Because I took the time for myself, my day went much smoother than expected. I felt grounded, supported and ready to take on the tasks at hand.

I’m not sure where this spring cleaning will take me, but I am sure it will lead me closer to peace. I understand that the process of spiritual growth is a process of letting go, over and over. I don’t need anything more than I have to make progress here, but I do need to continue to strip away at what holds me back from becoming my highest potential.

Nutritional tip #7-detox. If you are new to detoxing or aren’t interested in making huge changes right away, start simple. Try to make small changes for 3 days. Eliminate alcohol, sugar, and white flour. Drink extra water. Incorporate more veggies-especially leafy greens. If you feel like you could handle a little more, lose the meat and processed foods. This is a great start and can be done without causing any stress on the body. As stated above, during any detox or cleanse, be gentle and nurturing with yourself.